I don't want to be here

I am feeling very angry. My husband is in the hospital with my infant. She had a seizure last night, vomited and became unconscious. We rushed her to the ER and they have been doing some tests, x-rays, cat scan.... It could be something as little as a infection or something major. But my husband sent me home. I don't want to be here. I am here because my 3 oldest children need me. They are worried about their sister and it was scary for them to see her like that.

Time has never marched any slower than this and I can feel each tick of the second hand. But I must stay busy. Finish organizing the house....pack bags in case we are transfered to Denver. Call family and let them know. Or maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't call until we know for sure.

I am a nervous wreck. The kids keep asking where baby Valorie is. They want hotdogs for breakfast. I don't want to be here. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE.

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