I am in love with life. Sure I live in a crappy run down trailer with black mold, sizzling electric circuits and space warmers for heat....But - I am happy.

We do not have any debt. I stay home with my children and give them all of me. No more daycare. No more kissing up to parents and their golden children... I am FREE.

We decided not to pull the kids from their school and so I have been busing the kids back and forth. It's been quite the eye opener for me and I've realized how un-social I have become... Like - I think I am finally over the shock of the parking lot at school. I don't know if it's just me but you have to get there 30 minutes early just to get a good spot and if you're not the first one out of the parking lot you wait another 30 minutes in line just to get out! I did not know there were such onery parents out there. Actually, yes I did. I just haven't had to be in that situation before.

Yes I am Happy. Is my house clean? NO. Do I have dinner cooked and on the table everynight? NO. It's not that I'm lazy. I am just simmering in the awesomeness of being a mom. Only a mom. Just a mom.

I've taken the time to deal with losing a part of myself that was a successful daycare operater. Losing my status of the big house on the hill. Dealing with losing my best mentor and friend as she passed away and left behind a beautiful family. Dealing with my mom being sick and I'm so far away and can't do anything. Feeling totally helpless to do anything for those I love.

I thought I was having a mental breakdown when in fact I needed just to slow down and deal with everything that was happening. It was a lot to take in. I wish I could say that church and family and friends pulled me through. But it wasn't that. There are times in life that you just have to look deep inside you and pull from your own strength and character.

We go on. The world goes on. Happiness is created from within. Life lessons keep getting repeated. I've had to refocus on where I want my happiness to come from. It's not the house on the hill or the social status. It's not in my long lost Durango. It's in relationships. It's in spirituality. It's in mother nature. It's in simple things.

It's Valentines this month. Get out there. Make some love in this world.

yours truly, Messy Jess

6 comments:

tammy said...

What a truly inspiring post. I used to think that having "things" mattered. But they're really just things aren't they?

Leigh said...

That was beautiful. Thank you for that!

DesertHen said...

Beautiful post! Things are just that,"things." It is the memories we make with the people we love that truly matters.

Jami said...

That was so well-written! Love it! (And you bet I'll be making some love out there.... LOL winkwink)

Scrappy Girl said...

I loved this post...very inspiring. I am glad you are happy.

islandgirl said...

I'm terribly behind in my blog reading, and sorry to hear that your mother was sick. I'm glad you found that power from within. I keep trying to channel that every day, lol!