It's graduation week for a lot of young folks out there and there are a few pregnant girls who are desperately shouting out for help with where they are headed in life...they needed some validation and so I will share with you what I have sent them and in a few days I will finish the Top 5...
This is a letter I wrote to my cousins child when she was having a rough time in her life...I'm giving it to you so you can know how much I care for you and hope the best for your future.
Dear (Insert YOUR name here)...
I hesitate sharing my experiences with you because it was a time when I felt angry at my parents, my family and friends. I believed they didn't understand me and to this day they do not understand in full everything I went through. It is impossible for me or anyone else to understand what you're going through. It is impossible for any one to solve your problems. You are the only solution to your problems. But, because your family loves you they want to help you - and that's okay.
Getting help is okay. I got a lot of help by speaking to my teachers at school whom I trusted, talking to the school counselor and also my bishop. I did not and still do not feel comfortable discussing these things with my parents and family and friends - and that's okay too. The important thing is that you have someone you can talk to. Someone you feel comfortable with and can trust. Remember - no one can solve your problems - just you. Don't lose sight of how YOU feel. What YOU think and what YOU need. You are the EXPERT on you. You alone will know what you need. What you want and how you feel.
So, 1 - No one will know in full what you are going through. You can talk and share your feelings, but remember - You are the EXPERT!!!
2- No one can solve your problems for you - You are the only solution!!
3- It's Okay to ask for help.
I want to share with you a secret. It's not really a secret, it's a recipe. A pattern. A way of changing how you think.
"You think it, You feel it, You do it"
Good or bad, it works both ways. If you continually tell yourself "I'm fat" "I'm ugly" "I'm no good" You will think it, you will feel it, and then do it. If you tell yourself "I am pretty, I am a good person, I am beautiful" You will think it, you will feel it and then it will happen. Put any thought to this pattern.
The most beautiful people I have ever met are the people with inner beauty. I'm sure you know at least someone who is like that. What is inner beauty? I will let you answer that. List on a sheet of paper what you think is inner beauty. Then circle the ones you want to be. Make yourself notes and hang them where you can see them everyday and read them. If you don't want anyone to see it then place them inside your scriptures or journal or textbook. What should the notes read? For example,
I like myself
I am nice to everyone I meet
I have beautiful hair and I love showing it off
I love to heat healthy foods
I love to exercise
I love to pray and talk to God
I love to practice the piano
These are my favorites because they are my greatest weakness. Some days I don't believe my notes to myself - but if I think it, then I will believe it, I will do it!! It is a powerful way to change how you feel. IT WORKS because that is how your brain learns. You think it. You feel it. You do it. Try it in every part of your life. Home, School, Church, Friends, Yourself.
I know I said you are the only solution to your problems, but I'm going to add to it. You can't do it by yourself. If you try to do it alone, you will be sad, lonely, and confused. I know. I've been there. It's no fun. There are no words for that awful lonely feeling that you feel.
On being alone - You can be surrounded with a group of kids and still be alone. Always keep good friends that have the same goals and desires as you. Bad friends can bring you down and cause you to be unhappy. It isn't easy because all you want is to have a friend, have a social life, But if those "Friends" aren't looking out for your best interests, It's the same as not having friends. So as hard as it might be to sever some of your relationships, DO IT! Because in the long run, you are what matters most.
The saying goes, "10 years from now it won't matter who your friends were in high school...You will lose contact with them. Your life changes and life goes on. You probably won't see your high school friends and there is a 98% chance you will have a whole set of new friends. BUT- it does matter who your friends are. Choose them wisely. Choose carefully. Think about the future. What kind of friends do you want? Start now to surround yourself with good people. Start now to be the kind of friend you'd want to have. You might have to go against the tide - against the popular fads, the "IN" group. But use your brain. Think about the future. Because right now is just a very small fraction of your entire life. 5 years from now you will be looking back at where you are today. And hopefully you won't have any regrets with the decisions you are facing right now.
If anyone could have given me self worth when I was struggling - that would be the best gift in the world. I even had a bishop tell me - "If I could give you anything in the world I would give you self worth." But he continued and said "I can't do that. That is a gift you give yourself. I still struggle with self worth. Satan tries so hard to use despair and hopelessness to fill my head with thoughts that I'm no good - that I'm not worth it - that there's no use in trying. But he is wrong. You and I are worth it! You will find your self worth by developing your talents.
Are you familiar with the Young Womans Value's? (You too guys)
Faith - Divine Nature - Individual Worth - Knowledge - Choice and Acountibility - Good Works and Integrity and Virtue.
It does not matter what college you attend, what your master degree is. It does not matter if you are a rock and roll star, movie actor, or the captain of the football team - If you don't have those values, than you don't have nothing. Work on these values. Understand them. Give them ACTION. What are your going to do with what you know?
Now I'm going to get spiritual - I know...I always hated it when leaders and parents told me to do "church stuff"....but for your sake and mine, let's call it "GET SPIRITUAL". You and I both know that we have a body of flesh and blood. We also have a spirit body. I have always been interested in the human body. I've studied about massage therapy, yoga, exercise training, natural healing with herbs...there are a lot of ways to heal your physical body. But how do we heal the spirit? No doctor or professor or nurse can look at your spirit and tell you what's wrong and how fo fix it. That leaves you and Heavenly Father. Do you now that miracles happen everyday - that doctors are astounded with disbelief... people overcome cancer, a heart starts beating again - things that doctors can't explain because there is a power stronger than mans knowledge and strength. It is the power of God often known as the Spirit of God.
Prayer is the way to God. If you want to talk to God then Pray. If you want God to talk to you then read the scriptures. Pretty simple? NO. Satan tries so many ways to distract us from praying and understanding the scriptures.
What ways does he use?
Contention and fighting
You can add to the list - there are so many ways, but do you see how easily it is to get distracted?
For a long time I wouldn't pray because I was angry. I didn't pray because I felt God didn't care. I wouldn't pray because I felt guilty for some of the things I was doing. But when I finally prayed, I knelt down, uncertain to what would take place. I expressed all my feelings, my hurt, my anger, my sadness, my loneliness, my confusion, and I asked Him - Do you love me? Do you care about me? I need someone to care about me, are you there? I felt a calm feeling, a peaceful feeling and I cried because it was so comforting and I knew then that God was there and everything would be alright. It did not solve all my problems right then and there but the knowledge that God love me, that Christ died for my sins so I could be forgiven - that knowledge carried me through. How well do you know your Father in Heaven? How well do you know Christ? These are your real friends. You might not feel that way right now, but if you have the desire to come to know them - you know how. It's not going to be easy and life will not get easier. The way you deal with life and how you face it - that makes it easier.
I know you probably don't want all this advice so enough for now. It would be nice to hear how you are doing - Take care of yourself and in the meantime, check in with your wise self and really think about things.