Dear Jonathon, Sarah, Alta and Valorie,
I have decided to write you love notes every day. I feel I must prove my love for you and give you the time and attention that you need and deserve. It is my life’s dream to have you and care for you. Nurture, love and watch you grow. I didn’t understand then, like I do now - that time would disappear so quickly and each moment slips into the past.
Sometimes I sit and try to recapture when you were babies and toddlers - your first day of school - all the new things that you learned and experienced. But, it is in the past and when you focus on the past you miss out on the moments that are happening right now. I now sit and think about your future and what I should be preparing you for. It’s always been a matter of staying one step ahead. The next size clothing. Shoes that wear out – or – outgrown before they even get broken in. I think of how gymnastics class, dance lessons or little league baseball would have helped prepare you to make it on the schools team. Should I busy you with learning a new language or debate teams? Should I stand over you and make sure you excel at your school work?
I’ve always believed that learning should be fun and adventurous. Using every bit of imagination that is yours. What if I missed giving you the opportunity to develop your talents and skills that would help you in your life’s journey? I must say that I am very sorry that your father and I have not had a higher education to make more money to provide you with these extra activities. On the other hand, I hope that money is not your life’s goal. Money itself will not bring you happiness, peace or fulfillment but it can help you and give you an advantage to learn more and gain more experiences. I encourage you to learn all that you can while you are young.
I am hoping that God will be a forgiving God and make up for what I cannot give you. I myself have had many experiences that have helped me grow and develop in myself the values that I needed to become a good mother with righteous desires. I pray that you are drawn to people and things that will add to your own interests and natural talents. I hope that you are paying attention to the things that you like to do and make note of the things that you find hard or difficult. God tells us that he will make known to us our weakness and then help us make it a strength. Do not get discouraged in your trials. It will be our trials that help us overcome and strengthen our spirits and our personalities. Use your mistakes and trials of error as a learning tool and you will see that it will add worth to yourself.
And now I would like to speak to you about religion. Every Sunday we go to church and it is hard to sit through Sacrament and then for you to be reverent and quiet in primary. There may be people you do not understand. You may get offended or you may not even like your teachers. But it is a time to set aside our own personal interests and focus on worshiping God. We forget ourselves and we remember God. God does not want us to forget Him or His commandments. When we do not make time for God we slowly forget the things that will bring us happiness. You’ve heard me say time and time again… “When I do good - I feel good. When I do bad - I feel bad.” It is a natural consequence. So what does God want us to do? He wants us to love and serve Him. He wants us to know good from evil and then learn to love “Good” so much that we choose to love and serve God over our own selfish desires and the natural man.
You have been taught that the Latter Days Saints – the Church of Jesus Christ – Is the only true church upon the earth. It is the restored gospel that holds all the keys and principles and the fullness of Gods plan for His children. It is complete with Prophets and temples and sacred ordinances. Just like Joseph Smith did, I would encourage you to read and ponder the words of God and pray that you will receive a testimony of these things. It is not my desire that you sail through life on my testimony or anyone else’s. There is no denying that God is the power and source of truth and light and that he created this world and all the magnificent things in it. Every person, ever tree, flower and insect are living things and have a spirit. If you realize that you can worship God in every aspect of your life you will be content and happy. If you can learn to respect other peoples way of worshipping God and their different ways of religion you will make many friends and walk in the spirit always. Serving others without thought of personal gain is a golden sidewalk straight to heaven. You will find that in serving you are feeding your own spirit.
In conclusion, my epilogue of my love notes to you, I am ever praying for opportunities for you to feel the Holy Ghosts spirit – Gods love for you. It will lead and guide you. Protect you. Comfort you. Inspire and give wings to your soul and ultimately lead your life in a way that is pleasing to God and you will not fear the 2nd coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. At that day it will be well with your soul and you will be happy. Be strong. Be courageous. Wait patiently and endure. And above all – find joy in the journey.
I love you. Mom