Dear Missionary,
I have a million articles that I've found on the web and copied and saved to my computer. I always try to make sure I have a link to credit the author. Mostly I save them for my own interest but sometimes I share them because they are really REALLY good or they have an "aha!" moment with me.
First of all - I believe in God and I believe we are here in this earthly life to become Godly. Second - Satan is real and he has a whole army of followers, their only goal is to bring us down to their level. Understanding Satans role in our life will help us over come the traps that are set out for us.
Shame and Guilt are two of Satan's most powerful tools. I found THIS article that reminded me that I am more than just an imperfect person. I am being transformed and becoming God like. This article talks about guilt, shame and addictions.
Do you let these things bring you down? Are there areas in your life that you feel guilt or shame? Have you repented and come clean so that you are able to feel the atonement in your life? Have you let go of the past? Are you still punishing yourself with feelings that are allowing shame and guilt to control you? Do you have bad habits or addictions that you are using to numb the pain?
I've learned that healing comes from acknowledging the emotions, validating them and then giving them to God through repentance.
Shame is the most powerful, master emotion.
It’s the fear that we’re not good enough. ~ Brene Brown
Have you ever felt shame?
How has it impacted your life?
Unfortunately,
shame is
a part of drug or alcohol abuse. You realize quickly that even though
you may have support, you are up against the stigma of a disease that is
often not talked about.
The user feels shame about his dependence
on drugs or alcohol. The family feels shame about a problem that is now
out of their control.
When my life was going into a downward
cycle, I felt the sting of shame and I’m sure most other parents in
similar situations feel the same. way. I questioned my skills as a
parent.
Many feel anxious and stressed because they sense that
they have failed as a parent, the most important job a person could ever
have.
Facing and accepting feelings of guilt and shame allow you
to move on. Guilt is a little easier, while shame may have deeper roots
and need more work. Recognizing our feeling of shame are the first steps
towards healing.
Shame is different from guilt. It is not rooted in action. According to
Psychology Today, when a person feels shame they feel they are somehow wrong, defective, inadequate, not good enough, or not strong enough.
Guilt is the belief that one has done something wrong or bad. Shame is the belief that one is wrong or bad.
Abusing
drugs or alcohol is a way to numb yourself from feelings that you don’t
want to face. It’s a short-term quick fix which misleads a person into
feeling more comfortable.
Guilt involves a violation of an
external rule or standard that can be redressed by restitution or an
apology. Shame, however, slices uninvited through the ego boundary to
inflict a deep wound on the self that is experienced as an “inner torment” or a sickness of the soul. Shame patrols the boundary between our public and private lives.” ~ Garrett O’Connor, M.D.- Betty Ford Institute
Many
families cover up the substance use that they don’t want family and
friends to know about. Enabling can come into play in the hopes that the
problem will quickly go away. Parents and family members hide the
addiction from the outside world to protect themselves from feeling
shame.
Children of alcoholics may grow up feeling less than or
flawed. They often struggle with negative feelings about themselves for
years. When our child is the one struggling, we may question our total
worth as a
parent, thus we are flawed.
“When
most people use the word shame, they usually mean to describe an
experience that comes up because of outside influences — our parents’
disapproval or the opinion of society-at-large, for example. If I do
poorly on a test or my business fails, I might not want anyone else to
know because I’m afraid they’ll think less of me. Shame also arises
when we violate our own internal values, but we’ve usually absorbed them
from our families and the world around us.” ~ Joseph Burgo, Ph.D.
When
I did finally reach out to family and friends about our family
substance use problem, the reactions were interesting. Offers to help,
some advice, but mainly support and concern came my way.
The
support and concern were appreciated. I have also felt the underlying
message of, “Watch who you tell this to.” I rarely share my family’s
situation with a casual acquaintance. My hope is that the stigma of
addiction will lessen as time goes on.
Substance use can affect a
diverse range of families. It does not discriminate. Happily married
parents as well as divorced parents can have a child with an addiction
issue. Some children with alcoholic parents are never affected with the
disease and others follow in their parents’ footsteps.
Great parents can raise kids that struggle and troubled parents can turn out well-adjusted kids.
We
often regret decisions we made in the past, believing that if we had
made a different choice, our loved one would not have their struggles.
You
can breathe a little easier when you learn as much as you can about
addiction. You make better decisions when you educate yourself and
realize that
one size does not fit all and that you are not to blame.
As
a parent, you have an opportunity to be supportive and gently guide
your child toward recovery. You can be a source of strength during this
stressful time.
Shame is the
most disturbing experience individuals ever have about themselves; no
other emotion feels more deeply disturbing because in the moment of
shame the self feels wounded from within. ~ Gershen Kaufman
Here are seven ways to release the shame that is holding you back.
- Focus on the Present. Start
by accepting where you are right now in life. Take a look at the areas
of your life that are not working. Rather than avoid your feelings of
pain, focus your thoughts and notice what you are feeling.It’s
easier to move forward and become “unstuck” when you are ready to face
what has been holding you back. Shame dissolves when it is brought out
into the light. Do not allow the negative cycle to continue in secrecy.
Release your shame in a way that feels safe, so that you can move forward.
- Forgive yourself, as everyone make mistakes. You
may feel like you have made mistakes that have harmed yourself or
others. Forgive yourself. You can make amends for any harm you have
done and you can make changes for the future.Remind
yourself that your mistakes do not make you a bad person. Everyone
makes mistakes. It is an opportunity for learning and growth.
- Open Up and Trust. Sharing
your secrets of addiction may be a short-term solution, but you make
progress toward healing when you break out of your isolation. Taking a
risk and trusting others will bring you closer to finding the peace and
serenity that you want.Surround
yourself with people who are supportive and don’t take it personally if
someone’s reaction is not what you had hoped for. Realize that you are
not alone and that sharing is the key to healing shame.
- Think of Your Mistakes as a Lesson Learned. As
I look back on when I felt shame, I can realize that even my most
embarrassing moments have taught me a lesson in life and led me in a
more positive direction.Learn
from each past mistake and let it guide you in the future. Remember
that those who made many mistakes were those that learned the most.
- Love yourself. Be bold and let go of being uncomfortable with yourself. Allow yourself to open up to all the possibilities in life. Allow love of yourself and love of others to enter your being.Trust that your inner wisdom will guide you as you move forward in life. You will go to a better place when you love yourself.
- Get an Objective Opinion. Take
steps to get over your feelings of shame. If you feel that getting the
support of someone who can help you get unstuck and move forward is
what you need, hire a coach. If
you feel that you have deep seeded emotional issues around shame, hire a
therapist. Either way, take the time to let go of your feelings of
shame so that you can enjoy your life in a better way.
- Replace feelings of shame with compassion. When
your feelings of shame surface, replace them with compassion, empathy
and acceptance for yourself. Acknowledge the negative feelings, but
remind yourself that you can get through this.This
new perspective will help you to heal. The positive shift in your
thinking will move you forward so that you feel better as a person, and
as a parent.
The
ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love,
which
includes not only others but ourselves as well. ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
